“当你想到我们的时候，”汉尼拔问道，选择无视威尔刚才说过的一切，“你会想些什么？”
威尔吞咽着。有那么一会儿，他想知道如果他现在跳下船，他能不能游到岸上。想知道这为什么如此该死的困难。咒骂汉尼拔那永不满足的好奇心。勇敢地蹒跚向前。“我、我想象着亲吻你。”汉尼拔哼了一声，鼓励他继续。他叹了口气。“我想象那会是什么样子，不论我们最终在哪里结束。”在宜人微风中飘动着的白色窗帘。“我想知道除了激动和恐惧外，这是否会让我感受到别的什么。我有很多疑问，但当我想到它的时候，任何答案都不重要了。我想象着亲吻你……和你一起杀戮。”
汉尼拔的眼睛闪闪发光，而威尔朝他迈了一步，将咖啡放在舵轮旁冷却。“你拿走了卡西·博伊尔的肺，当她还在使用它们的时候。”他说道，看着汉尼拔舔舐嘴唇，他的红色双眼充满警惕，却因好奇而明亮。威尔想起了那天——金色的阳光洒在田野之上；乌鸦在附近草地上盘旋，等待着人们离开，以便它们可以进食腐肉；那鹿角，浸满暗色的血液，像一双畸形的大手，怀抱着她被撕裂的、毫无生气的身躯。“你那么做是为了我，如此我便能看到我在霍布斯的案子中错漏了什么。你折磨那个女孩，”他说道，“将她活体解剖。是为了我。”
汉尼拔一言不发，面无表情。那是你第一次试图向我展示，威尔想道，然后记起了那杀戮、那展示所流露出的冷酷、轻蔑的感觉。他稳步靠得更近了些。
“我想要看着你。”他说，并在听到汉尼拔喉咙深处发出的声音时舔了舔唇。“我想要你看着我。”
汉尼拔举起一只手——并非完全稳定，威尔注意到——以抚摸他的侧脸。他的手指滑进威尔的头发，拉得威尔些许失去了平衡。一如往常，威尔想道。一个人如何能够在他生命的中心同时处于混乱与均衡状态，威尔说不清楚。他踮起脚跟，任由汉尼拔的沉重爱抚使他摇晃。
“你能够，”汉尼拔问道，“区分性与死亡吗？”
威尔注视着汉尼拔的嘴唇是如何跟随那些词句而动作的。“愉悦与暴力，”他沉思着说道，“欲望与腐朽。就我们而言，它们一天天地变得越来越难以区分了。”
“至少，你有一些关于死亡的经验。”汉尼拔说，他的话语被脸上那抹深情且玩味的笑意所柔和了。“他们通常会说，欲望第一，死亡其后。”
“但我们并非寻常。”
“不，”汉尼拔笑道，“我们当然不。”
他最后拽了一下威尔的头发——手指埋在靠近头皮的位置，如此威尔的头便能够轻易地因压力而移动——随后将威尔留给了他的思绪，和渐深的黑暗。
******
“你打算下坠得越来越快。”贝德莉亚越过海浪耳语着，“一直加速，直到那速度粉碎你们。”
“我在期待。”威尔尖锐地回答她道。
“期待什么？”
威尔转过身去，看到汉尼拔正拿着一个热气腾腾的保温杯，困惑地微笑着。“哦，呃呣。”威尔回头瞥了一眼但是当然，没有鬼魂胆敢站在汉尼拔身边，有关贝德莉亚的记忆再一次退回到他头脑中的黑暗角落里。“到达佛罗里达群岛。抱歉。我在自言自语。”他带着感激的笑容接过保温杯。“你来早了。”
汉尼拔抬起一边肩膀，作为耸肩的马虎拟像。“我发现自己醒了，然后觉得你也许想在分配好的时刻之前稍微放松一下。我知道这些夜间值班对你精神造成的损害，比你愿意承认的还要严重。”
威尔嘬了口咖啡——只有太烫、美味、醇厚的这一侧。“嗯。它们对你造成了什么损害？”汉尼拔只是笑笑。“好吧，是，我应该睡一会了。谢谢。”
但他突然之间不想离开汉尼拔身边。此刻掌控他的并非之前那种对失去与抛弃的焦虑感，而是一种来自于接近这个男人所感受到的满足与保护。他们已经在同一艘小船上呆了两个多星期了，但他们几乎没有和对方呆在一起过，除了那些强烈得难以忍受的短暂时刻。
舵轮下方有一对叠起的毯子，而威尔将它们摸了出来。汉尼拔看着他走向船尾，在甲板上铺上一条毯子，然后让自己躺在上面。现在空气足够暖和，即使是晚上，一条毯子就足够了。他们应该很快就到了。明天，威尔估计着。
“我可以就在外面睡一会儿吗？”
“当然。”汉尼拔说，而威尔笑了。“稍等。”
汉尼拔消失在甲板下，威尔皱起了眉头。但不久后他就重新出现了，轻松地拖来一张双人床垫。“这对你来说会更舒服。”他不必要地解释道。威尔笑着向上看他。在汉尼拔的表情中有一种威尔很少见到的温柔，尽管也许只是黯淡的星光使它看上去如此。
“你愿意和我说说话吗？”威尔问道，当他让自己再次舒服起来。“我怀念听你说话的日子。”他承认道。
“当然。”汉尼拔说道。“你有什么特别想听的主题吗？”
“随便。”威尔说。
于是汉尼拔开始说道。“让我们想象一下，”他说，“以太能够穿透任何透明物体，假设它们都是弹性的话，那么它的粒子将仍然能够像以太粒子那样传递波的运动。”他在背诵某些他曾读过的东西，威尔想着，从记忆中。即使认识他这么多年，威尔发现他也没法不对这些智力优势的不经意展示感到片刻的惊讶。汉尼拔的嗓音平稳地滚动着，这些词句对于威尔来说，就像引擎的轰鸣声或海水的拍打声一样毫无意义，直到不久之后，词句、马达和海水都变成了一股混合的噪音，而威尔偶尔从中认出一些单词和短语。
“……实验进一步表明，这两种反射的强度几乎是相等的，而在不同的透明物体中，这种强度随着折射率的增加而直线增加。因此，我们看到玻璃的反射比水的反射更加强烈，而钻石的反射比玻璃的反射更加强烈……”
威尔任由汉尼拔的沉稳嗓音与夜晚和大海的声音混合在一起，感觉到自己逐渐飘入了睡梦之中，想知道他从汉尼拔身上所看到的反射的强度与力量。
[1] 标题注，豹灯蛾（Garden Tiger），学名Arctia caja。分布范围极广，从美洲到欧亚大陆，从低海拔地区到天山的海拔三千米处，都有这类蛾子的发现。
[2] 引用自约翰·弥尔顿《失乐园》：“这心是它自己的住家，能把天堂变地狱，地狱变天堂。（The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.）”（朱维之译）
[3] 引自奥斯卡·王尔德《自深深处》：“抵讳自己的经历就是遏止自己的发展。抵赖自己的经历就是让自己的生命口吐谎言。这无异于排斥灵魂。（To reject one’s own experiences is to arrest one’s own development. To deny one’s own experiences is to put a lie into the lips of one’s own life. It is no less than a denial of the Soul.）”（朱纯深译）
[4] 阀限空间（Liminal space），liminal一词来自拉丁词根limen，意为门槛（threshold）。阀限空间是指一种过渡性空间，在这个空间里你将一些事物留在了身后，与此同时却也没有完全融入进其他事物中。
Notes:
作者尾注：正忙着回复评论！抱歉这一章有点简短和过渡。
第十七章 豹灯蛾 下
Notes:
作者注：实话实说，这应当是上周那章的结尾，但我就是没能及时将我写的这堆东西整到一块。很抱歉，如果有任何拼写错误的话；我写的这团狗屎现在勉强算是整到一起了。
译者注：这章是nc-17章节！鸡动！
这栋房子离海岸只有短短一段路，它荫凉的门廊和法式双开门面朝着沙滩和远处的大海。一片齐腰高的青黄草海将房子后部环绕在了摇曳着的叶片的汪洋之中，而它的前部则面对着海滩。威尔关上车门，抬头正巧看到一对鹤乘着巨大的翅膀悄然从头顶飞过。像是天使一样，他想。
他们把船停在了上舒格洛夫的一个码头的船台上——汉尼拔说千代会处理它的出售，和他们在船上的所有物的销毁。汉尼拔走进船舱，留威尔在炎热午后的空气中独自待了一会儿，然后带着一串挂在简单的银色钥匙链上的钥匙重新出现。他们在停车场找到了那辆与钥匙相匹配的车——一辆配备有真皮座椅的低矮的深绿色敞篷车，看到它，威尔抬起了眼，而汉尼拔流畅地耸了耸肩。
“千代的品味。”他说道，算是一种解释，然后钻进了驾驶座，没有参考任何形式的地图便将他们带到了这里。
此刻威尔抬头凝视着这幢房子——这幢刷着浅蓝色外漆的两层海螺屋[1]。百叶窗是淡紫色的，门廊周围的柱子和栅栏是白色的，它的一切都看起来那么干净、明亮、令人愉悦。威尔伸长脖子审视着二楼，那里有一扇窗户没有关上，薄纱般的白色窗帘露了出来，正在微风中飘动。威尔将鞋子磨蹭进沙子之中。他能转身，奔跑，然后在几秒内下到水里，前门离大海如此之近。
“你是怎么安排得了这一切的？”威尔问道。
“千代负责的，”汉尼拔说，“我只是给她划定了一下工作范围罢了。”
威尔想起汉尼拔在北卡罗莱纳的加油站归还那个男人手机的样子，想起了他自身恐慌和愤怒的力量，如今意识到他从来没有首先考虑过汉尼拔想要用那部手机做些什么。当然，如果威尔费心思考一下的话，这将会很是明显；汉尼拔自然会打电话给千代，并让她在佛罗里达给他们安排一个合适的住所。千代要不然是很有钱，并对老相识很慷慨，威尔想道，要不然就是她可以使用汉尼拔绝对拥有的至少一些国外银行账户。威尔无法开始理解他们关系的性质，但他相信汉尼拔知道自己在做什么，并且相信千代真的把他的最大利益放在了心上。有一种显而易见的可能性，威尔反思道，千代对他也有同样的感觉。
“我们进屋吧？”汉尼拔问道，一只手向前示意着，同时另一只手搭在了威尔的后腰上，温柔地将他引向房子，如同驾船一般操控着他。威尔任由自己被引导着，他后背上的手提醒着他接下来会在他们之间发生什么，既然如今他们终于到达了陆地。威尔的心砰砰直跳。他现在有些不确定，不确定他感到更兴奋还是更紧张。说实在的，在过去两周半的时间里，他一直心有戚戚，磨牙以待，现在却发现自己被一种荒谬的疑惧所充满。他将自己的面庞转变为不露声色的冷静神情，然后跟随着后背上的轻柔推动，走上台阶，进入到凉爽明亮的门厅。
房子的底层十分开阔，凉风习习。汉尼拔将法式双开门向门廊外推开。那里有一套藤制的庭院家具，上面装饰着翠绿色的靠垫。而室内的家具则是轻质木材，透气的棉布装饰，冷色调，火焰有多不像冷冰，这儿就有多不像任何汉尼拔先前曾居住过的地方。
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